Razors in apples? Dirty syringes in Tootsie Rolls? Britney announcing another offspring? Sure, these things easily scare the bejesus out of me, but not as much as these things:
1. Elvis tops chart for dead celebrity money-makers
Pretty frightful how the people on the list are worth more dead than alive. I'm sure John Lennon is turning...
2. Leafs making the playoffs. Ha ha! I know this is more comical than frightening, since it's looking more and more likely in the infancy of this season that the good ship Blue team will not right the ship in time to make an appearance at the spring dance; still, stranger things have happened, and therefore can be construed as scary...
3. The return of the Backstreet Boys.
Honestly, how does this pre-pubescent drivel continue to bubble to the surface? Didn't Nick Carter overdose or something? No? Well, here's hoping...
4. The inevitable return of the Mullet and the Rat Tail
C'mon, we all know how cyclical fashion is. It's just a matter of time before we're all wearing acid-wash again.
Happy Halloween!
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
Hockey is a dirty sport
I have read in other posts, phrases that sound dirty but are not, in regards to various sports. There are probably a dozen or so on hockey, but since I haven't read any of them, this is my own, and I'm only doing seven because everyone does 10. If you care to comment or share a few of your own, please feel free. Otherwise...
1) Looks like he's pulling the goalie
2) He's been in the box all night
3) Here they come, another 2 on 1
4) Get ready for some 4 on 4 action
5) He completely undressed him on that play
6) He can score at will
7) He got two minutes for holding the shaft
1) Looks like he's pulling the goalie
2) He's been in the box all night
3) Here they come, another 2 on 1
4) Get ready for some 4 on 4 action
5) He completely undressed him on that play
6) He can score at will
7) He got two minutes for holding the shaft
Hey Fatboy, Gonna Make You Smile
Do yourself a favour if ever in St. John's. Create for yourself a competition to find the best fish, chips, dressing and gravy in St. John's/Avalon Peninsula.
My clear winner is Leo's, on Freshwater Rd., St. John's. It may not be the prettiest, but hey, you're not there for the freakin' ambience! I tried five different places, ranging from Holy Rood, Trepassey, Goulds, St. John's, and Cape Broyle.
After kick-starting my heart several times, this little dish still makes my mouth water.
What makes it the best, in my opinion, is not only the quality of the cod, but the light and delicious batter, the chip wagon-quality fries, beefy but not overpowering gravy, and the best damn dressing I've ever had!
And yes, wash EVERYTHING down with a nice cold beer. I really like the mix 6 collection from the Quidi Vidi brewery.
I'm Gonna Hang Out With My Wang Out
I was thinking of my list of albums to take on the deserted island I'll never get to. Think of it as being on the show Lost, finding a box, and inside are the albums you would have picked. It would be like, divine intervention in a way. And imagine still that on this deserted island was a) a lifetime supply of batteries to play the CDs on, or b) a magical supply of electricity that only plays the CD player! Or....a solar-powered iPod. You get the picture, dammit!
On with the list: (I reserve the right to change it at any time)
1) U2 - Joshua Tree
2) Matthew Good - Avalanche
3) Beastie Boys - Check Your Head
4) U2 - Actung Baby
5) Joe Strummer and the Mescaleros - Global a Go-Go (but would not be upset finding anything else by Joe - this was a tough choice)
6) The Clash - Combat Rock (because you all would have picked London Calling)
7) INXS - Listen Like Thieves
8) Neil Young - Harvest
9) Live - Throwing Copper
From East Side to West Side - For Real Yo!
Cotton CandyLike the Mallard Duck and Peacock, the wigger male will go to great lengths to secure a mate. This young wigger, for instance, has donned a vibrant all pink outfit to ensure success during the mating season. In this case, the flamboyant color scheme serves the dual purpose of both helping him get noticed by females in heat and distracting other males who will be too busy beating his ass to steal any of his mates. A borderline suicidal strategy, but successful nonetheless.
For more profiles, check out wiggaz.com
Watch this - I love the people tripping. Well, I'm surprised more people don't do it on TPIR. I mean, when their names are called, they are ripping downslope at Mach 5! Love how the dude pops back up like nothing happened - smooth.
Space Camp or getting laid...I'll take sex please.
Please don't ask how I stumbled onto this video. However, this kind of talent should not be hidden in the shadows. It should be brought out into the light, for all to see...the road to celibacy, 'cause there is no way the guy in the video and the person taping it are getting any love.
That's right Trekkies and Star Wars geeks of the world, this is what your Dungeon Master's do during their downtime.
That's right Trekkies and Star Wars geeks of the world, this is what your Dungeon Master's do during their downtime.
Alcohol - the reason for, and solution, to all our problems
Dear Alcohol,
First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holidays, hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:
1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those I know for a fact do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?
2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few
cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.
3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. As some people like to call them UDB (unidentified drunken bruise) Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.
4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous.
I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3 pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.
5. Redbull and vodka + me = BAD.
Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3 pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions &
hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.
Thank you,
Your biggest fan
P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing
First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holidays, hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:
1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those I know for a fact do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?
2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few
cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.
3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. As some people like to call them UDB (unidentified drunken bruise) Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.
4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous.
I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3 pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.
5. Redbull and vodka + me = BAD.
Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3 pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions &
hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.
Thank you,
Your biggest fan
P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing
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